the haze.

people ask me how i feel. i respond, "sleepy." i dreamed i was involved in a battle last night. there is no questioning where these dreams are coming from. if only i didn't wake up so many times in one night. i sleep on my side and sometimes my arm falls asleep so i have to switch.

the haze lasts throughout the day. i brought home four coffee mugs from work on my lunch break. they all smell old. the smell of coffee mixed with cleaning supplies is the worst for some reason. today i disinfected the telephones--all of them--after i realize i hold my lips too close to the mouthpiece.

i saw the woman i shared the backseat of a car with last week this afternoon. it didn't make me feel anything really. i do not know what everyone thinks i think, but i think that i am over it all. in fact, i know i am. we talked about my glasses.

when i got home, i was sure i would sleep. i ate instead. gross things. like stale cheese puffs. i want to start slimfast, but i drank a coors light because i don't have slimfast yet. i'm sure it is disgusting too. i tried using my bullet, but the vibrations didn't do anything. i guess i can't feel today.

i took a shower, because the comfort of being completely wet and warm is worth the hour it will take to re-straighten my hair. i thought about tongue splitting and washed with cinnamon shower gel. my bathrobe tied around me. slick skin from the spicy massage bar. fried rice for dinner. so very tired, but i promised it yesterday.

so very tired.